Today someone found this blog using the search terms “zombie menstrual flow.”

Finally, I’ve made it.

Also, speaking of racks, I picked up a Cosmo the other day (because I like to torture myself and get all foaming-at-the-mouthy over stupid shit), and there was an article called 50 Fun Ways to Get Even Closer. In case you aren’t already on top of each other, with fingers jammed in mouths and nostrils and eye sockets. Tip #19 was “Come up with silly nicknames.” I’m just going to quote. Are you ready?

“Shmoopie and Muffin? So cliché…and sickening. Invent more unique pet names for each other that have some special meaning to you. For example, if he’s a smarty-pants, call him Noodle; if you like to shop, he can call you Racks.”

Because shopping is exactly what everyone thinks of when they hear the word “racks.”

God, I love Cosmo. If he’s a smarty-pants and you love to shop? Jeez. Math is hard.